LEMON SQUARES AND DOGS

Hey guys, Clarke Miller here. So recently I’ve been getting questioned: “Hey Clarke, are you even on the Pandemonium staff? Like you’re not on that flyer that’s around school.” As the matter of fact I am on the freaking Pandemonium staff and here is some dang proof:

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So as my first story, let me tell you a little about myself. I was adopted in the City of Kirov, Russia at the weight of 114,004.8 grains of rice. I came to the US when I was nine months old and so on. So enough about me let’s get on to the story.

So in the next couple days, we will be celebrating the national Lemon squares and dogs competition. For you all who don’t know what this competition is, it’s one of the greatest tournaments of all time right behind the Super Bowl. In this competition, competitors from almost every country except Italy, Taiwan, and Pompeii compete for the big prize of one billion dollars. Now how do you win? That’s simple. All you have to do is be able to cook a bomb lemon square and have a cute dog. Simple right? No! This is one of the most tedious and meticulous competitions there are. If you don’t cook the lemon square correctly, you could either burn the lemons or burn the squares and that is what you don’t want to do. Also, you want to make sure you have a cute dog in this competition. The dog part was added in 1978 by a German Scientist of the name Wernher von Braun who hypothesized that the cuteness of the dog adds the effect of how good the lemon square is. So everyone, tune it to FOX News or CNN for full coverage of this great event. It starts at 12:00 pm on May 13th and goes to 9:00 am on May 14th.